"I don't really know what I'm doing"

Recently, Roy & I were having dinner with some good friends. One of our friends asked Emma: So you like being a big sister? Emma immediately answers Yeah... then actually ponders the question and says: I don't really know what I'm doing.

Well, I sure don't either, now that I think about it. What gives me the qualification to wear the title of mother to these three little blessings? Yesterday was such a day. I was exhausted by the end of the day. Emma was whining more than usual, Jack was aimless in his earthquakes, Will just wanted to stay at my breast.

Emma sat in Will's swing and got stuck when it locked her in. I was within ten feet of her, sitting on the couch, Will in my lap, staring into my daydreams of sleep, hot baths, and pondering all the endless episodes of MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER I had on my DVR. Emma starts to squirm. Emma starts to twist. Emma starts to cry. Emma is SSSTTUUCKKKKKK!!!!!!

As a kind and compassionate mother of gentle and kind discipline, I quickly came back to reality, jumped off the couch, with Will in one hand and compassion in the other, I scooped Emma out of her predicament. Well, now the honest truth? I sat on the couch and continued to sit there, as Emma screamed and fussed and remained stuck. Her kind and merciful father came downstairs and finally freed the caged bird.

This morning, I was overwhelmed by conviction. My Merciful Father gently but firmly disciplined me and impressed upon my heart to apologize to my little blessing. And I did. And we hugged and kissed and the entire day she has been listening to me and obeying everything asked of her. Ok- another slip out of reality. But I asked for forgiveness.

Every morning, as I get ready, I humbly come before my Father and say: I don't really know what I'm doing. He's given me the greatest little gifts and I have no clue how to raise them up right. But at my disposal are the resources of my Shepherd. James 1:5 says: If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. So I claim this verse every morning. My Lord, My Provider, My Director: I don't really know what I'm doing with these tornadoes, so I need your wisdom to raise them to be pleasing to You and so I can be the mother you created me to be. So, I can wear my title as Mother proud and dignified before You. And my God "gets off the couch" and frees me from my cage, every time!