"I don't really know what I'm doing"

Recently, Roy & I were having dinner with some good friends. One of our friends asked Emma: So you like being a big sister? Emma immediately answers Yeah... then actually ponders the question and says: I don't really know what I'm doing.

Well, I sure don't either, now that I think about it. What gives me the qualification to wear the title of mother to these three little blessings? Yesterday was such a day. I was exhausted by the end of the day. Emma was whining more than usual, Jack was aimless in his earthquakes, Will just wanted to stay at my breast.

Emma sat in Will's swing and got stuck when it locked her in. I was within ten feet of her, sitting on the couch, Will in my lap, staring into my daydreams of sleep, hot baths, and pondering all the endless episodes of MILLIONAIRE MATCHMAKER I had on my DVR. Emma starts to squirm. Emma starts to twist. Emma starts to cry. Emma is SSSTTUUCKKKKKK!!!!!!

As a kind and compassionate mother of gentle and kind discipline, I quickly came back to reality, jumped off the couch, with Will in one hand and compassion in the other, I scooped Emma out of her predicament. Well, now the honest truth? I sat on the couch and continued to sit there, as Emma screamed and fussed and remained stuck. Her kind and merciful father came downstairs and finally freed the caged bird.

This morning, I was overwhelmed by conviction. My Merciful Father gently but firmly disciplined me and impressed upon my heart to apologize to my little blessing. And I did. And we hugged and kissed and the entire day she has been listening to me and obeying everything asked of her. Ok- another slip out of reality. But I asked for forgiveness.

Every morning, as I get ready, I humbly come before my Father and say: I don't really know what I'm doing. He's given me the greatest little gifts and I have no clue how to raise them up right. But at my disposal are the resources of my Shepherd. James 1:5 says: If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. So I claim this verse every morning. My Lord, My Provider, My Director: I don't really know what I'm doing with these tornadoes, so I need your wisdom to raise them to be pleasing to You and so I can be the mother you created me to be. So, I can wear my title as Mother proud and dignified before You. And my God "gets off the couch" and frees me from my cage, every time!

Will

This thing called a mother's love- takes a toll on my emotions...

I am holding Will, wishing I had had the same mentality when Emma was a wee one. Will has taught me to just slow down. I was so rushed into getting Emma to sleep on her own, soothe herself, that I feel like I just missed the cuddly parts of her chubby body.

What's that saying? "Cleaning and scrubbing can wait 'til tomorrow, for babies grow up we've learned to our sorrow..."

Will refuses, for the most part, to fall asleep on his own. He rants and raves in his bassinet, beckoning me to just cuddle. Ok, Will, ok. So I scoop him up and he immediately starts his banter into sleep- "ahhhh, ahhh, ahhh" he says, as he sings himself to sleep in my arms.

To cuddle this little surprise blessing, pulls at every emotion I can muster as a Zoloft addict. I wish I could commit to memory every part of his pudgy body, make a perfume of the smell of his wooby pressed against his fat head snuggling into my breast.

I know the time will pass too quickly, so I linger in this moment of his babiness and drink it all in. Oh, the love...

A Yes Day

My February 12, 2008

So, I have finally decided to do it. A "YES" day... Inspired by a beautiful poem, I have created what seems to be one of the easiest fun-loving days of parenting in the four some years I have been attempting to raise these little blessings.

12 May 1996
"Yes, we can loll here for six more chapters, before- yes, waffles, yes you can stay naked all day or until you think you need clothes, yes to butter on the video popcorn today and me beside you for not just the scary parts, then yes to a rain-walk, yes, even to the culvert rushing water and the long way home, yes to candles with dinner, yes to no lettuce, yes, I'll save the opera and switch to jazz, yes- a bath bead?- take two, and yes I will sing the song, yes, just this once, three times."
-Ellen Dore Watson

So, four rules to my "YES" day:
1. No to destruction
2. No to hurt
3. No to being mean
4. No to spending money

Whatever else my little blessings disguised as fireworks want, is YES. So, now I end my day, with my face painted with Emma's bright makeup, with Jack running in the yard naked. Yes to swimming in February. Yes to making ump-teen cookies. Yes to licking the batter. Yes to no homework. Yes to a memorable day... YES YES YES

So it begins...

Well, here we go... Roy & I will attempt to join the blogging parade and share a little bit of what goes on in our daily lives. We started out as a family of two, eight quick years ago. Today, I sit here, exhausted, after the blessings have been put to bed, with absolutely no energy and drive to sweep up the chips crushed on the floor from dinner. The blessings now outnumber us--- three crazy bundles of energy. Thankfully, I dwell on the fact that our LORD is on the PARENTS' side. We hope you enjoy a little bit of us.