Quiet Halls

Jack is crouched down in a squat position next to the coffee table. He is eying a bug that is crawling along the ledge. From where I sit, I can see only the top of his head to his eyes. He is both scared and fascinated at this bug, lazily walking along. We shared our lunch together, watching Narnia, after a great morning together. We took a date to a local bookstore for story time. After story time, we visited the doctor for his check up, just the two of us. He wore his Lightning McQueen backpack to the exam. The backpack seemed to swallow his back and he walked into the office with his Jack-confidence.
I have been blessed with the opportunity this week to drink Jack & his Jack-ness in. After I returned from Southern California, Roy's grandmother, Ma Fisher, went home to rest in the arms of her Saviour. Roy quickly packed his bags, as well as Emma's, to travel back east, where I wish our entire clan could huddle. But being a single mother of two boys this week, has given me many opportunities to just be with & savor my boys.
Later in the day, Will giggles every time I cover the air between us in obnoxious kisses. He is covered in bananas, white cheddar macaroni, applesauce, and vanilla yogurt. (I, apparently, am not looking to educate the youngest on the importance of the variety of colors in foods.)
After the giggle bug is put to bed for the night, I am able to cuddle with Jack on the couch watching The Wiggles, his new favorite. He drinks the attention in. Jack clings to my hand and presses it to his face. I tell Jack that we don't cuddle enough. He keeps repeating in his soft voice, Let's cuddle...
I cannot imagine raising these boys on my own. I feel as though I have reached my survival mode, just keeping enough energy to motivate myself to make it through bedtime. (And, thankfully, I have had the much needed, always appreciated, help this week from my mom & dad.) I have thoroughly enjoyed my time with Jack & Will. But what I have noticed is, with the absence of a third child, the house is more orderly, there is less laundry, the halls are quieter, the dog doesn't get as riled up, and there has been absolutely no sibling rivalry (just a little sibling comradeship when it comes to bedtime and both boys protest with their cries!)!
I talk to Emma this evening. My heart literally hurts to hug the small being that produces such a squeaky voice over the phone. When I just hear this voice, it reminds me how little she really is. How I miss this little sweet craziness. I know I may lead a chaotic life & there are days I scream inside, for fear I may not make it through, but I miss the halls that scream with my blessings laughter, fights, sharing and teaching moments, and their play. I love spending this time with my boys, but I long for my family to be complete once again.....