My son of two...

Tonight, on the eve of your second birthday, I really can't help savoring nearly every moment at bed with you. You break into song with Oh How He Loves You & Me and then your favorite Twinkle Twinkle as you make stars with your pudgy hands. You pray, thanking God for all the special people in your life & draw out your A-men. You go to sleep with such random items- tonight a pirate's gun but you have also gone to bed with your pirate sword put correctly in it's sleeve, a right boot, a pirate clock, Sissy's animals...
I constantly want to smell the top of your head or smoother the smooshy side of your cheek with kisses. I am continuously drawn to you. You had my heart immediately two years ago, but as time goes on, my heart continues to break again and again for you. I am so in love with every single bit of you.
There is something mischievous yet mysterious about you. You are a daredevil, a tornado, an instigator, a screamer, a giggler, a spaz, a lover. You constantly beg Watch me Mommy, Watch me... while you perform your sweet tricks. You can make Emma & Will giggle with your maneuvers one moment & then scream for needed help the next.
You were prayed for before you were conceived, and when you breathed the air of this world, so many friends & family gathered around you to thank our Creator for you. Songs of praise filled the room, as we sang How Great is our God! (The very praise two year old Emma & I sang together in the dark, when we found out you would be joining our family eight months later!)
The desire of my heart remains- that you would fall in love with and serve our Lord; that our Lord be your Complete.
Grow, my son. Jump. Fall. Laugh. Bruise. Explore. Obey. Love. Serve.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

Music Time

We are huge fans of The Toddler's Busy Book & trying to incorporate the crafts & activities from it into our daily routines. Jack & Emma enjoyed making their own kazoos. After, the had their own dance party!



To make the kazoos, use your empty toilet paper rolls and punch a hole towards the top side. Have the blessings decorate the roll with stickers, ribbon, colors, and then glue (hot glue worked great!) a small piece of paper to the bottom. Enjoy your handmade music show!

Advanced Drawing 501 taught by Professor Emma

Ariel, the Little Mermaid
July 08

Eminism

You can call me 'M' when I'm riding my bike.
-The audacious girl on the bike ride home from church.

Lessons

Emma leans over my lap, sitting at the table, whispering while she presses her side into my lap- It's good to have a mom. One of those new moments where she can tenderly express her love & affection as she grows into maturity.
On Saturday, I rush (as always) to not be extremely late to Emma's girlfriend's birthday party. I am so aggravated & frustrated as I drive there. I find myself behind the bumper of a very old, very slow moving, very long car. I sigh out loud & Emma asks what's wrong. She reminds me the old car can't go very fast because he's so rusty. Oh, right, I smile.
I have an enormous book of life lessons I have already learned from my three children, who haven't even seen even close to the number of birthdays I have. After the birthday party, Emma & I go pick out paper for her tea party birthday invitations & we decide to get a snack together. She takes my hand into hers & is elated that we can have a "date."
Jack will sit next to me at dinner on Sunday as close as close can be. He pulls on my chair again & again and begs me to scoot closer, Momma. I can't help but fall in love again with him, his dirty face covered by these sweet words, shoving corn into his fat mouth.
Come close to Me... Spend time with Me... Lighten your load...
Later in the evening, I stand at the end of the hallway, folding the never ending laundry, as Roy bathes the kids. Laughter & craziness spill through the door, flooding the hall. I can't help but laugh out loud.
Now today, wishing I could import my memories into this blog, I tripped & fell, trying to be sly on the treadmill. Somehow, some strange "Heather" way, my right leg got stuck to the moving belt, as my left remained stationary far away. The belt stripped my skin on my shin & knee raw. Of all the analogies I could think of and write of, there are many, but I guess the one that remains with this crazy brain this afternoon is that my Father continues to teach me & strip away at the yucky muck that clouds my life. Every day, He uses many situations, but He uses my children as well. Even this afternoon, as I am apologizing to my Sovereign Lord for thinking such self-absorbed thoughts, making myself too high & mighty and others much lower, my Emma prays and thanks Him for our blessed Taco Bell. In her prayer, she thanks God for our friends Michelle & her daughter Abby, and then says:
Thank you for showing them the cross, so they may know You.
Thank you for sending them Your Grace.
Wow! I am speechless. In the midst of her small life, Emma already has her priorities in check, pointing to the cross in even the small moments. I at the same time, can't get out of my chair quick enough to write down this prayer so I won't forget. (Not for learning purposes, but for a good story).
So once again, I remain the self absorbed, narcissistic, arrogant, low life, learning and being taught every day priceless lessons from my own children, as my Lord continues to try to strip away at my mucky outer layer.
Yeah- It's good to have a daughter... and a son... and a son...

Heartache

My heart aches tonight for the first time in over two years. I have been a Zoloft addict since the before the birth of Jack to thankfully ward off the postpartum depression that I had experienced after the birth of Emma. Aside from a small break in between Jack & Will, my mind, my emotions have been totally altered and dependent on this modern medicine.

Three days now, I have quit cold turkey, against the better judgment of the pharmacist & one of my best friends. This morning, after getting so frustrated with Emma for screaming for the umpteenth time today, I listen to Caedmon's Call, as Danielle reminds me that my Lord God made me my precious blessings' keeper. I cry. I sob. I reach back while I am driving and touch the leg of a very confused Emma & whisper I love you. These emotions that are so God-given are reintroducing themselves back so quickly. And again, like before, He reminds me, Cling to Me, my daughter. I have heard the voice of my Lord repeatedly reminding, begging me to be dependent on Him. Rely on Him for my sanity, my peace, my strength, not some small blue pill.

Today, I have been confronted with old wounds, which I thought were long closed up & healed. This evening, I actually felt my heart beat so hard in my chest, I thought it'd come out my throat. I stumbled over words, aching for what could have been, all the while, experiencing these "normal" emotions. Beyond the smiles & hugs during the encounter, there was a great sadness lingering in the air. The sadness so thick, I almost couldn't see past it.

I drive home, my heart aching. But then my heart aches in a beautiful different way. Jack is singing in the back of the truck, while Emma & chubby Will sleep the drive away. He is actually singing his own words & tune. And once again, my Lord reminds me, to cling to Him alone. He has gifted Roy & I with blessings that are too numerous to count. After Jack's song, he begs to hear the Wiggles CD. Then the Lion King. Then the Wiggles. Then Curious George. Sweet Jack... I put him to bed and he thanks his God for Who, a person created by Jack while we wereteaching Jack to pray- Thank you God for...Who?

My heart indeed aches from sadness tonight for the first time in a while. But it also aches from being full and proud and overwhelmed and amazed at the goodness of my God, blessing me with a crazy family, an amazing support system, wounds that will heal, and true real God-breathed emotions...

Precious Eminism

It's good to have a mom.
-Showering me with love & kisses after dinner

It's good I didn't break my body.
-After falling off the arm of the couch.