October 2nd

She's been gone six years now and I can't say I am ever going to be over it. If you look close enough, you can still make out the scar that protects the deep wound. After she left, I sat at the window to the street, day after day, waiting her return. And she never did. The abandonment brought denial. The denial, pain & scorn. The scorn, anger. The anger, acceptance. The acceptance, forgiveness. And now, finally, with the forgiveness, healing.

For some time after she left, I ached so much, my heart broke. In her dismissal of this so-called friendship we shared, her selfishness finally brought me joy. It seems ironic. But when I surrendered to the pain of my loss, I was able to accept the many blessings that surrounded- they seemed to engulf me regardless if I wanted them to or not.

Today, I stand here watching my two oldest blessings squat and examine something close to the ground. They are so intent on examining and observing their new find. They squat and poke along side their very best friend; I get to stand and watch in peace next to one of mine. Had she not left, I would have never had the opportunity to form not one, but three beautiful friendships, all of which continually lift me up and point me to our Christ. Each of my sweet treasures encourages me, uplifts me, laughs with me in my successes, cries with me in my failures.

I still miss, will always miss her laughter. I will always be saddened that she will not, cannot ever enjoy my blessings and rejoice with me in their small lives. But my God works good in everything, even the bad. I take the pain, the healing. It spurs me to better things. My cup runneth over.

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him,

who have been called according to His purpose.

Romans 8:28

You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done,

the saving of many lives.

Genesis 50:20